How Parents and Adult Children Talk about Money and Aging

If you thought it was hard to speak with your children about sex, try speaking with them about money and death. Americans generally steer clear of talking about death and money. Nevertheless, these conversations are necessary, according to a recent article, “Let’s talk about money and death: Why aging parents and their adult children should have ‘the talk,’” from MarketWatch. Sharing information about finances and end-of-life wishes can prevent resentment or stress before a crisis and gives everyone involved peace of mind.

If an estate plan has been created and financial and tax planning accomplished, but the adult children are not told a plan exists, there may be general worry over decades as parents age. What will happen when they die? Will the siblings know what to do? Who will be in charge? A family meeting to discuss the plan and the parents’ wishes can address these issues.

This is especially important for members of Generation X (Americans born between 1965 and 1980). This cohort has the most assets, may deal with a significant wealth transfer and often cares for its children and aging parents.

Start by putting together an agenda for the family meeting. Understand that there may need to be more than one meeting, since there is so much ground to cover. Long-term care planning, the current status of the parent’s living situation and plans for a possible move to a continuing care facility are just the start. Do the parents have an estate plan and documents like a Will, a Financial Power of Attorney, a Healthcare Power of Attorney, an Advanced Care Directive/Living Will and the like?

Money can be an emotional conversation, especially if there are disparities in the siblings' financial statuses. Parents are often extremely reticent to share information about their net worth, sometimes because they don’t want their children to lose incentive to work, and in other situations because they are embarrassed about not having enough money to sustain them through their later elder years.

Having a neutral third party in the meeting, like an estate planning attorney, can be helpful when emotions are running high. Holding a family meeting in a law office may sound formal. However, having a professional on hand who can clarify estate, financial and tax matters may help keep the conversation focused.

Confronting the realities of mortality and money is difficult even in the best of circumstances. Nevertheless, with the support of skilled professionals, a focus on care and the creation of a no-judgment zone, the family will be able to help each other as they prepare for the future.

Reference: MarketWatch (March 23, 2024) “Let’s talk about money and death: Why aging parents and their adult children should have ‘the talk’”