Talking with aging parents about personal care or assisted living communities is one of the most challenging conversations families face. The reality of significant life changes always forces us to face fears and anxieties that we would often like to avoid. However, it is an essential step in addressing the future care needs of your elderly parents. This conversation may not be easy. However, with respect and empathy, it can provide clarity for the future and bring comfort to all involved.
As our parents age, it is common to notice changes in their ability to manage daily tasks. Whether it is difficulty moving around, forgetting to take medication, or struggling with household chores, these signs may indicate a struggle to manage alone.
Even if they do not need to move into an assisted living pr personal care facility yet, you should have a plan in place just in case an urgent need arises. This way, you can make thoughtful decisions rather than rushing into choices during a crisis. Talking about assisted living early lets everyone think carefully about how best to protect the needs and preferences of the aging parent. It is much better to be proactive than reactive.
Starting the conversation about assisted living can feel overwhelming. Many people worry about how their parents will react, fearing they will feel pushed into a decision they are not ready to make. However, approaching the topic with empathy and patience can help ease these concerns.
Begin by choosing a comfortable and private setting where you can talk without interruptions. It is important not to bring up the topic in a way that feels confrontational. Instead, express your concerns gently, clarifying that your primary goal is their well-being and happiness.
When discussing personal care or assisted living, it is important to listen to your parents' concerns and feelings. They may worry about losing their independence, leaving their home, or the stigma they associate with assisted living. By validating their emotions and acknowledging their fears, you can show you respect their feelings and support them.
Let your parents know that moving to a personal care or assisted living community doesn’t mean giving up independence. Likewise, many communities offer a variety of activities and social opportunities that can enhance their quality of life. Reassure your parents by sharing how these communities help residents stay active and engaged.
It is common for parents to resist the idea of assisted living, especially if they’re still relatively independent. If this happens, don’t try to force the issue. Instead, be prepared for multiple conversations over time. Each discussion can help them become more comfortable with the idea, especially if they see that you approach the topic respectfully and understandably.
In an article by A Place for Mom, Dr. Erin Martinez, a gerontologist, advises, “This should absolutely not be a one-time conversation.” Taking time and revisiting the topic as needed can help your parent feel more in control of the decision.
While talking about personal care/assisted living is never easy, a few tips can help:
Talking to your parents about assisted living is a challenging process. However, it can lead to a positive outcome. If you’re preparing for this conversation and need guidance on incorporating these decisions into an estate plan, contact our law firm today to create a plan that respects your loved one’s needs. At Curran Estate & Elder Law, we are a life care planning firm, and we have a care coordinator on staff to assist our families when dealing with declining health. The care coordinator can be a vital piece when advocating for the family what is their best needs.
Reference: A Place for Mom (Jan. 11, 2023) "How to Talk to Elderly Parents About Assisted Living"
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